This weeks Friday Funny is c/o Readers Digest On-line:

I was out shopping during the week and walked into the Green Grocers for some salad and veg.  Looking around I saw some Iceberg lettuce, ‘Oh’ I said to the Green Grocer – ‘is it just me or are these Iceberg lettuces getting smaller?’

The Green Grocer replied:    ‘It’s Global Warming!

 

Friday Funny c/o The Uttlesford Villager

A mummy covered in chocolate and nuts has been discovered in Egypt….

Archaeologists believe it may be Pharaoh Roche

 

Friday Funny:

Q. “What did the grape say when the elephant stood on it?”

A.  “Nothing. It just let out a little whine.”

 

This week I thought this yoke was quite apt as I have received my pasta order from Black Dog Deli

Q.  Did you hear about the Italian Chef who died?

A.  He Past a way…………..boom boom

 

This weeks Friday Funnies are once again reproduced from the local parish magazine:

Dijon vu – the same mustard as before

Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis

and not a foodie joke but one that’s quite funny:

A wife text her husband on a cold winter morning:  “Windows frozen.”

Her husband text back: “Pour some lukewarm water over it.”

The wife text back a few minutes later: “Computer’s completely not working now!”

 

Just returned from Book Club where we eat lots of cake as well as reviewing the book we have been reading so this weeks Friday Funny is related to cake!

Q. Why was the birthday cake as hard as rock?

A. Because it was a Marble Cake!

 

This week we have a trio of Friday Funny cheese jokes:

Q. What’s the best cheese to hide a horse?

A. Mascarpone

Q. How do you approach an angry Welsh cheese?

A. Caerphilly

Q. What cheese do you use to lure a bear down a mountain?

A.  Camembert

 

Here is a very old joke that my Grandfather used to tell me:

What do you call someone with jelly in one ear and custard in the other:-

A Trifle Deaf

(He loved trifle and was deaf to boot!)

 

There was no Friday Funny last week as I was away enjoying myself.  This week though we have a delight for you:-

Jayne would carefully label dishes that she put into the freezer in large clear letters, “Sausage Toad” or “Apple Pie” or “Steak & Vegetables” or “Chicken Stew & Dumplings” or “Beef Pie.”

Whenever she asked her husband what he wanted for dinner, he never specified what meal he wanted.  So she decided to stock the freezer with his various requests. Now in the freezer you’ll see a new set of labels. Dinners with labels that say:-

“Whatever,” “Anything,” “I Don’t Know,” “I Don’t Care,” “Something Good,” or “Food.”

No matter what her husband replies when she asks what he wants for dinner, it’s there waiting!

 

For those of you following me on Twitter – this is a Monday Mirth

Why did the Ants dance on the jam jar?

The Lid said ‘twist to open’

 

Apples and Worms

Q. What did the Apple say to the Worm?

A. You are boring me………

 

Another funny featured in the local Church Magazine, November edition:-

 

Chicken rules- Friday Funny!

One day a new chicken was introduced to the farm.  The duck, who was in charge, showed the new chicken around.  “This is where you go to get fed, this is the water trough and that is the coop.  Chickens hang out near the fence, us ducks near the pond and the geese near the gate.  We’re pretty friendly but we keep to our own.  Oh but whatever you do, DO NOT cross that road.  You’ll never hear the end of it.”

 

Found this funny in our local ‘Outlook’ Church Magazine, September edition:-

There was a woman who spent some months in Kenya.  On her way home she visited a medical clinic.  The Maasai women were singing together and she found herself deeply moved by their beautiful harmonies.  With tears flowing down her cheeks, she turned to the person next to her and asked “can you tell me the translation of the words to this song?”

The person she turned to solemnly replied “if you boil the water you won’t get dysentery.”